Happy New Year!!!

I just wanted to go on record saying that 2008 was not my favorite year ever and we wish that 2009 will be a whole lot better, bringing with it a whole new set of opportunities for us.

Top 10 reasons I hated 2008:
10.Found out that 'Lead' in our drinking water was likely the cause for our infertility - thought about suing the city. (that didn't work out)
9.Attempted to adopt a baby back in March (that didn't work out)
8.We were present 3 separate times to birthmothers (none of those worked out)
7.We burned through a whack load of money to support our "adoption project" and well ...(that didn't work out)
6.Put an offer in on our dream house and lost in a bidding war
5.Paul found out he is loosing his job - GREAT!!!
4.Our house is falling down around us - ceiling is caving in in our kitchen!
3.We put the bulk of our adoption fund into Vietnam and then we bailed out at the 11th hour loosing most of our investment
2.We are told by CAS we are getting a baby - then we are not - then we are - then we are not - then we are (well you get the picture - needless to say - THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT)
And the #1 reason 2008 sucked...

I gained yet another 10lbs!

So here is to the future and never looking back - WELCOME 2009!!!

Happy New Year!!!!

ps: 2008 did bring us Ruby and for that I will always be grateful. She is the light in our lives - even if she is the million dollar dog! We love you Noodle!

Bad Santa!

I tried so hard to be a good girl all year long - but Santa still did not see fit to leave me a baby under the tree this year (like I asked him for). Ho Hum!

I am not sure if there really is a Santa afterall!

Better luck next year I guess.

But just in case, I will never stop believing in him....you never know when he might be willing to grant you a wish.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Here's what happened yesterday...

"Hello Meagan & Paul,
We have a birth mom who is due January 6 and we have all the information now to move forward with finding a good match for her.
BirthMom:
This is an excellent situation from our viewpoint - mom is in her late teens, very healthy, has good family support
*presently in Gr 12
*had some LD in school and on an Indiv. Educ. Plan (IEP)

Alcohol/ Drug use during pregnancy:
* 3-4 shots of "malibu with juice" once in may and once in June before she knew she was pregnant, nothing since
*taking vitamins
*ultrasound shows no anomolies

BirthFather: - was not eager to participate in the beginnings program, but has come around really nicely and gave us history this week
*he wants a DNA test to confirm (but mom states he is the one)
*LOVES sports, so wants this in his adoptive family to be active and like outdoors, sports
*active, volunteers to keep busy, likes strategy games
*doing an apprenticeship
*family all know about this pregnancy and have discussed options, he agrees to move forward with adoption.
DNA will be done after baby is born and will be back likely by time of signing consents (after 8th day)

I have scanned our list for couples who would be a good fit for this young couple - like the outdoors,http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif sports etc... and your profile came up.

Please let me know if you want to be presented for this one, I hope to present 5-6 couples for these young people to find the best fit.
I know this is a busy time for you and I am sorry to do this at Christmastime, but the baby is due and we just cleared all the birth father issues, so we can now move forward.
Let me know,
Regards"

So based on what Paul and I have been through this past week/month here was our response to her...


"Hello,

Upon re-reading your email it appears that Paul and I have everything they are looking for..
eg: Our Love of outdoor sports and board games (all there in our profile and our dear Birth Family letter).

We would be anxious to know if we have made the short list - aka: being presented to this couple. It has been almost a year since our journey began and we feel no closer now then we did 10 month ago. Is there any hope?

Merry Christmas!
Hope to hear from you soon,"

Here was her response:

"Hello folks,
Just getting back to you on this message today -
Yes, we are presenting you today to the birth mom and dad. Hopefully we will know today, but she may want to take a bit of time to think about her choice. As soon as I know I will email you to say what her plans are.
I know it is very hard to have to wait for this, especially this time of year. I do appreciate your ability to put yourselves forward and to take the risk. Yes, there is certainly hope, it is just a matter of time to find the right fit for you. I will try to present you as often as I can.
All the best"

Holy Cow!!! Can this really be happening - after all these months - is it possible our luck could be changing???

"Hi Megan,
I just got off the phone with Sherry our counsellor and she said our birth mom has chosen another couple - I am so sorry to disappoint you folks on this one after raising your hopes so close to Christmas.
However, I do have 2 other birth moms who are looking for families very soon, so I will let you know about their histories as soon as I have them ready to sent to you maybe later next week.
Keep your hopes high, this one just was not for you, but the next time.................
Blessings!"

Guess Not!!

You won't believe this...

We last left off with waiting for Auntie-smokes-a-lot to get back to CAS re: her adoption plans for Sadie. Well as it turns out we didn't even have to wait till Friday December 19th for that answer. She contacted CAS on Tuesday December 16th, and told them that she was one hundred percent not interested in adopting little Sadie. WoooooWhooooooo! So CAS then called me on Tuesday afternoon (just as I was about to step on to an airplane for the next three days) and said "Auntie is out and you guys are IN! Can you come and meet Sadie tomorrow and spend the afternoon with her? ...possibly spend this coming weekend with her as well..."
I could not believe my ears - after all this time and waiting this was really happening - we were finally going to meet our daughter. Unfortunately, Wednesday was not going to work for me as I was just about to leave on a cross Canada tour of duty (airline talk) - so, as much as it pained me to postpone the meeting for one more day, I asked her if we could do it on Thursday instead of Wednesday. She said that would fine and would call me Wednesday with the details.
I called Paul and told him the incredible news (he was over the moon of course) - then We called our moms, our friends/family - hell I even called Sylvie at 2:30 in the morning to share it with her. Can you say we were ecstatic??
So Wednesday, just like clock work, my phones rings with news regarding Thursday's appointment...
...She says "I have some BAD NEWS..."
WHAT? BUT HOW?? THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING??? NOT AGAIN!!!! NOOOOOOO!
But Yes, THIS was happening AGAIN - CAS had decided it would not be a good idea to go ahead with visits at this time because the birthmom is no longer supporting this adoption plan.
How does that make a difference you ask? Great Question!
We had been told over and over again that it is ultimately not the birthmothers decision where or with who Sadie ends up. While, they appreciate her input - it is ultimately CAS's decision where Sadie ends up and WE have been chosen as THE BEST FAMILY for her. So, no matter how many times the birthmother changes her mind - CAS has the final say as to where this little girl ends up.
All that being said CAS still does not want to 'go behind the birthmothers back and risk upsetting her by starting visits that she does not approve of.'
EUREKA!!! Now I get it - it hits me between the eyes like a hammer!
They don't want to upset 'birthmommy' cause then she may not be so inclined to play by their rules - aka: support the crown wardship. If she decides to contest wardship then CAS will end up in TRIAL. What does TRIAL mean for CAS.???
That's right - TRIAL equals MONEY $$$$$. So for the sake of a few dollars they will let little Sadie sit in TEMPORARY FOSTER CARE (for however long) so as not to upset the "birthmommy-apple-cart". I know what you are thinking... UNBELIEVABLE right!?
It really is unbelievable and if I were you reading this right now I would think the author was making it up for dramatic purpose. But you would be wrong my friends, this is %100 bonifide fact. No Fiction Here!
So to summarise this horror story, this is the third time we have been promised our child only to have her taken away at the 11th hour.
But please make no mistake: Children's Aids primary concern is the best interest of the child. This is clearly evident from my story. Never has there been more proof to support a thesis. (insert Sarcasm tone here)

Paul and I have some serious thinking to do about whether or not we can continue down this road of torture. I know life is not fair - everyone learns this at a ripe young age - but never have we experienced such injustice (over and over and over again).

Perhaps we need to set our bar a little higher. They say you are dealt in life things that you are willing to put up with - so perhaps we should not be so willing to put up with this charade anymore - see what comes of that.

Hmmmm?? That's some food for thought.

The wait continues....

A week has gone by since my last post - and I finally have a bit of news to report. We had hoped that we would be meeting with our adoption worker on Friday and she would finally have something concrete to tell us but ALAS the birthmother decided not to show up for her visit last Thursday as she was "Sick" and could not make it in. She was going to that meeting to tell all workers involved what her she wanted to see come of this adoption - you see she has been changing her mind about Paul and I lately. By this I mean she has decided she would like to view other families as perspective parents for "Sadie". She can be fickle and we pretty much expected this to happen (if things took too long with this process we knew she might change her mind about us). Remember she has some mental health issues so we are not shocked by this new development....anyways, our workers wanted to sit her down and ask her exactly why she had submitted a 'challenge to crown wardship order' (aka: she has decided to fight for custody of Sadie) and why she has changed her mind about us. I can tell you that our mind was put at ease by our case worker that no matter what or who birthmom decides on, "there is no better family for Sadie then Paul or I". These are words from our worker...so we do not have to worry about the birthmom and her waivering views. Although, this could delay our adoption even further should she decide to take this to trial. Bummer!!
...Anyways, back to our meeting on Friday - it was said that they have still not heard a word back from Auntie-Smokes-A-Lot regarding her long term plans for Sadie, and they have sent out a registered letter asking her to reply to them by December 19th or this plan would be considered "dead in the water". This is good news for Paul and I as it means that we finally have a deadline we can put on our calendar. Then the best part of the news is IF Auntie-Smokes-A-Lot does not get back to them by next Friday and misses her deadline then we finally get to meet Sadie and get the ball rolling for some visits. Very exciting!!

So everyone out there needs to say a little prayer that Auntie does not answer back and we can be on our way to meeting our little girl.

Stay tuned...

Nothing New - just thought I would let you know I am still alive.

I just thought I would check in and post a little something so that you all don't think I have finally jumped off that bridge I have been threatning to jump off of...
So here is our latest news:
Paul and I have completed our updated (3rd time is a charm) homestudy and we get to meet with our Social Worker on Friday December 12th. We were also told that, God willing, by then we should have some information about Auntie-Smokes- A- Lot and whether or not she plans on adopting "Sadie" or not. We were asked by our Adoption worker to confirm again that we are willing to travel 2-3 times a week to bring Sadie to her meetings with her Birthmom and meetings with the Family Service Worker. We told them, weather permiting that we were happy to do so.
Paul and I like to think that she would not have asked us to confirm this if they were not planning on making a move very shortly. She promised that her department would have a meeting with regards to Sadie this week and will have a decision before Christmas for us.
We are not holding our breath but we are hopeful that SOMETHING might happend before the 25th.

Do we believe in Christmas Miracles - I like to think so!

Breakdowns are Plenty and Close Together (as opposed to Few and Far Between)!

After many years of keeping it together I have officially lost my strength. It has become more then clear to me that this process is no where near close to over and we have no choice but to suffer through it. Cutting our losses and setting our sights on another opportunity is simply not an option as I know that one day "Sadie" will be available for adoption and when that day comes I want us to be her parents - but fear of the unknown (like WHEN WILL THAT BE) is enough to drive a sane girl mad. The last time I felt like this I was jacked up on enough fertility drugs to kill a horse. But that was hormone induced and well this - this is bureaucratically induced. When I think that this delay is caused solely by the government and its procedures I want to SCREAM.
I have analyzed this over and over in my head and what I have come up with is this: Aunty- Smokes- A- Lot is close to her brother (aka: the birthfather) and he may have a lot of influence over her (as he is at least 8 years older then her). If he tells her to adopt this little girl then I think that is exactly what she will attempt to do. Why? because I doubt she understands the magnitude of this - so why not? If she agrees to make an adoption plan for "Sadie" then we are up the creek so to speak, because although we believe that she is not going to be proven "fit to parent" in the end, it will take months and months for this determination to happen. It could possibly even take a year or more. I just don't know if we have the stamina for that. That realization breaks my heart. Every week we watch this case go from bad to worse...can I continue to do that for much longer? Honestly, I just don't know!
Why it has taken 4 weeks for this Aunt to find out she is being expected to adopt "Sadie" not just take temporary care of her, is beyond me. It seems to me she should have been told from day 1 that its all or nothing and there is no in between. A phone call 4 weeks ago would have solved all this waiting and questioning - why did that phone call take so long to happen?
I believe we all have choices in life - and although I feel that our choices have been severely reduced we still have one choice left - either we are all in or we walk away?
Something tells me this choice will be made for us very shortly. So we wait.

Oh and the cherry on our cake is Birthmother called us today to tell us she submitted her paperwork to the courts - this paper work was supposed to read "I hereby relinquish all rights to "Sadie and support the request for Crown wardship petition" or it could have read "I choose to contest the crown wardship that the Children's Aid Society is seeking". Guess which of the following was submitted?? YEP! you guessed it! She contested the crown wardship!!! WHY? She said her lawyer made a mistake - She said she would fix it...but I am certain that little mistake will take months to rectify.

I simply cannot believe our luck. Blows me away really!!!

Update

WE just received this from our CAS adoption worker today - its not much, but better then not hearing anything at all I suppose. I don't know what to think - but there is a good possibility things might not turn out for us after all...

"just to let you know that my supervisor just had a long conversation with
Birthfather's sister today. She seemed to be unaware of the need for a
permanent plan for "Sadie" when given that information. She stated that her
plan really was to help her brother until he got things together and that
this changed things, in terms of permanent plans for "Sadie". The Aunt was
also informed about the steps that she would need to go through in order to
proceed with training, and a homestudy, should she want to be considered to
adopt "Sadie". They had a detailed conversation and at the end of it, it was
decided that The Aunt needed to talk with her brother again. She stated that
she will be moving soon (but gave a cell number) and that she would be able to
call my supervisor back next week, with an answer as to whether or not her
plan would be permanent or not. So, that is the next step.... My Supervisor will call
The Aunt again if she has not heard from her by mid week.


So, next week? check in with me by Thursday ok? Hang in there"


I fear we are spinning our wheels here and we may never see a light at the end of this long and dark tunnel.

I just feel defeated and hopeless. I guess I am just having a bad day / week/ year!

I can hardly breath through my anger.

Honestly, I hate to be the one to feel sorry for myself - but sometimes its all a person can take.
We have spent thousands of dollars registering with private adoption agencies only to never have that investment pay off for us, then we spend thousands on a private home study because we cannot get CAS to do one for us for free (they are not accepting any couples that want to adopt Babies). Then we decided to shell out thousands ($$$$) for an international adoption (cause honestly it seems like that is our only shot at realizing our dreams)... Then after mailing in the final check for this international agency (even though we are years away from getting our little girl from Vietnam - they expect payment) we get the call from CAS regarding "Sadie". So all said and done we have spent well over $16,000.00 and we are still babyless - not to mention what we spent on fertility treatments (at least $20,000 - but I stopped counting) - again this was all for nothing.
So today is the cherry on my cake!!! After consulting a lawyer last week regarding "Sadies" case....a lawyer whom I might add did not help us in the least - only rained on our parade, this man had the nerve to send us a bill for $525.00, just for reading some emails I sent him between me and the CAS. Oh the best part was, attached to the bill he had the nerve to tell us to "Think of this adoption in very tentative terms." aka: I would look elsewhere to fulfill your dreams. Seriously? He spent aprox. 30 minutes reading some emails I forwarded to him...and then TOLD ME NOTHING I didn't already know.

How can people live with themselves - they should be ashamed!

ps: Paul just found out he is loosing his job do to his plant closing this coming winter. Things just get better and better for us every day!

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

Lawyer was not the way to go on this one....

Well we finally heard back from our lawyer and he was LESS then helpful. He was downright discouraging and told us perhaps we should just forget about this one. Told us to "Keep all our irons in the fire should this not pan out for us". Gee Thanks!!! Don't forget to send us a bill for that stellar advice!!!

So after getting the "great" advice from our Lawyer we were feeling defeated as usual...then we got an email from our CAS worker... it went something like this:

"Hi Meagan & Paul,
I hope that you are still hanging in there through thisdifficult and very frustrating process. I wanted to let you know that we have made some progress and hope to have some more answers by the end of the month. Birthmother has until Nov 28th to file and answer with the courts (as to herplan for "Sadie") and we have to wait that out... The family service worker obtained the consents from Birthdad to speak with his sister and determine her plan. The FSW called her Tuesday and spoke to Birthdad as he answered the phone. She asked that Aunty-Smokes-A-Lot call her back, which she has not done as of the end of the day today. Worker is not in the office on Friday, but will call again Monday and talk wtih her then. Then the determination needs to be made as to whether this is a permanent or temporary plan. The agency is obligated to assess the plan either way, but it makes a difference as to how things proceed. I have let the workers know that you are still willing to foster "Sadie", and take the risk of losing her. Please check in with me again after Nov 28th and I hope to have a bitmore info at that point. The child service worker and I are advocating for "Sadie" to be in a more permanent home with you, rather than a temporary one. We will talk soon."

Time to call in the BIG GUNS!

So after my nervous breakdown on Thursday it was time to regroup. Patience was clearly not prevailing here so we thought legal counsel might be the way to go. We called the best lawyer in town (he comes highly recommended in these types of cases) and we told him our story. He said "he could definitely help us out" saying that although we assume that CAS knows how to handle these cases legally they often do not. It is often out of their realm of legal knowledge. He proceeded to tell us that on average only around 8 cases with this kind of complications come to light each year and of those 8 cases more then half of them are in "Private Adoption Scenarios". So, as it turns out, calling him was a smart move. He is going to look into this for us and give them a call on Monday and explain their legal options to them. He said that if it's only a phone call keeping our family apart then he should be able to resolve this quite easily! Simply by just calling whoever he needs to call (aka: the Aunt or Birthfather or Lawyer).

Brilliant isn't it? That is why we hired the guy. Because clearly the obvious does not escape HIM.

FINALLY!!! Somebody out there gets it. Sure we have to pay him to GET IT, but he gets it and that is going to be worth every last penny.

So at the 11th hour when things could not look more bleak. A night in shinning armor came riding into our world to save the day.

Don't you just love modern day heroes? I know I sure do!

It's Official - I lost my mind tonight!

For the first time since we started down this adoption road over a year ago, I lost my composure tonight. I thought I was ok - just rolling with the punches, but the stupidity and negligence of this whole thing made me crack. Paul came home to find me on our living room floor teary eyed and mad at the world. Frustration is a terrible thing to go through - and just like when I was a kid - I threw a tantrum!

Then to add insult to injury I had to go to "Adoption Training" tonight. For those of you that know me well - I do not know how to fake it. When I am mad and sad and frustrated I cannot hide it. So I sat there tonight with a scowl on my face and fighting back tears. One of our instructors noticed I was not "Myself" so I explained to her what was going on...she said that this situation is not black and white and there are things that could be done to get "Sadie" into our home. She wondered why our worker was not exercising those options. Hmmmm??? She asked us if they had started our homestudy update (which they have not) and wondered why they were not getting the ball rolling on that??? We wonder the same thing - I mean if they truly planned on placing "Sadie" with us in the future then would they not want us to be ready to go when that time comes?
All signs point to "we are not getting her anytime soon!".

We have jumped through every hoop, exhausted all of our financial resources and been to every training known to man - but still the universe does not see fit to grant us our one and only wish.

We just want to be parents!!! What is it going to take?

But more importantly do we/I have the stamina to continue down this never ending path?

I am not so sure anymore! WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?

Seriously are we on Candid Camera?? Because this can't really be happening!

After getting the "Great News" on Monday afternoon from the Birthmother we thought we would be a shoe in for the role of "Sadie's" parents...our first mistake was getting our hopes up and our second mistake was assuming common sense would prevail in this case.
I contacted CAS as soon as I heard about this letter of intent on Monday and I finally heard back from our case worker last night at 7:30pm. She said that although it appears that "Aunty-Smokes- A- Lot" is not fit to parent "Sadie" they still NEED to TALK to HER in PERSON before they can move "Sadie" into our home. They need to hear from her mouth directly that she only wants to take care of "Sadie" temporarily and is NOT interested in ADOPTING HER PERMANENTLY. Until our case worker hears those words from her mouth then their hands are tied.
BUT....and here is the kicker, CAS is not allowed to contact Aunty-Smokes-A-Lot themselves. They have to wait until they have a signed consent by the birthfather in order to contact this prospective Aunt.
So to reiterate, they are "Sadie's" temporary guardians, and they are responsible for her well being - but they are NOT ALLOWED to contact someone who is apparently putting forth a "Care Plan" for this little girl. How screwed up is that?

Does any of this make any sense to anyone out there - cause Paul and I are completely in awe of this system.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Could The Gods Possibly Be Smilling???

We got word today from a letter of intent sent by the birthdad that "Auntie-Smokes-Alot" has been under investigation by CAS in the past regarding her own children and her questionable care. She has two boys, one of which is autistic, she is on social assistance, is recently single, and plans to return to the army reserves in the near future... There are more gory details, but you get the picture.

So that seals that deal....she is simply not going to be a suitable caregiver for "Sadie". Any judge could see that!

We hope to hear from CAS this week and finally get some good news. This "custody plan" is not going to be a viable idea afterall and we should be able to take "Sadie" home with us in the next couple of weeks. It might be wishful thinking on our parts...but wishful thinking is all we have at this point.
So here is to wishes coming true. CHEERS!

Maybe this will happen afterall!

I finally spoke with our CAS case worker on Friday afternoon and she said they (her supervisor and other case workers) strongly considered what I wrote to them last week and agree with many of my points on foster placement. They believe, as we do, that "Sadie" is better off placed with us sooner rather then later. However, they need to check into this whole "Aunt Situation" and see if she is seeking PERMANENT or TEMPORARY custody. If she is only seeking temporary custody (until her brother can get his act together) then the Children's Aid will deny her request and place "Sadie" with us sooner rather then later. If she is in fact seeking PERMANENT custody then they will leave "Sadie" with her foster family until all of this can be resolved.
They hope to hear from the Aunt within the next couple of weeks (God Willing) and then we can move on from there. All we are waiting for is the Aunt to contact CAS and tell them of her intent.

Seems simple doesn't it? NOTHING IS SIMPLE IN THIS CASE.

So we continue to wait... God knows we are good at that!

Time keeps marching on...

Well mid week has come and gone and we have still not heard the results of the CAS meeting with regards to placing "Sadie" with us as a foster child - until her court case is settled on January 12th. I have e-mailed and called and left messages but I get no where fast. It is incredibly frustrating. I know this probably means "BAD NEWS". I am sure they have decided to leave "Sadie" where she is currently until her fate is decided - but I cannot help but feel this is a wrong decision. We are learning all about bonding and attachment right now (in our PRIDE training) and all the facts support moving the child as soon as possible into her forever home. The longer she stays with her foster family the harder it will be on her when it comes time to move.

We also had a big discussion last night about changing their names and how WRONG it is to do so. I have been feeling this way for a while - but Paul did not agree. I just feel that this little girl has been called "Sadie" for over 10 months now and that is her name - is it right to just take that away from her. Needless to say - I think we are now leaning towards keeping her first given name and changing her middle name. Who knows. All I know is it is way too soon to be thinking about naming her - when we can't even get her to move into her new room until the middle of January. She will be 13 months by then.

I hate that we are missing so much of her life. It breaks my heart knowing she is out there growing and learning everyday and we don't get to be a part of that.

I asked Paul last night if he thought we would end up with her in the end - and he said NO! He said that it has been road block after block and we are no further ahead then we were last March.

He may be right....but I still have faith!!!

CAS Response to my Letter

Here is the response I received today from our case worker:

"Thank you for your thoughts Meagan. Sounds like "Birthmother" got this info correct. I just spoke to the supervisor and she gave me the court
info. At this time the agency is obligated to check out any kin plans that
come forward (the aunt), even if it is a temporary plan.... Even if the
agency does not approve of the plan, the courts could still make a
different decision... So, as much as I would love to have "Sadie" moved to
your home , and I agree with all of your rationale with why it would make
sense to move "Sadie" to a potentially permanent home (yours), I do need to
get some further direction at this end as to whether or not the agency is
in a position yet to make that decision...
I plan to talk with my supervisor next week about this case, and your
proposal and will get back to you when I have another opinion. It seems
that we may have to wait on the assessment of the aunt first. Thank you for
remaining interested in "Sadie". I will be in touch again, but please feel
free to email me mid week.

Thank you."


Randy Pausch (who recently passed away of pancreatic cancer in July 2008) once said. "Brick Walls are not there to block you from what you want, they are there to weed out the people who do not want it bad enough."

His date of birth was ironically on the same date as "Sadie's" court hearing.
October 23. I choose to take this as a sign.

INSPIRATIONAL!

Letter I drafted to CAS this morning.

"Hi "CAS case worker",

I just wanted to let you know that we talked to "Birthmom" this past week and she filled us in on what happened in court on Tuesday. She said that basically "Birthdad" is hoping to get his act together enough that he will be able to parent "Sadie" in the future. In the meantime he stated that he is seeking his sister to take temporary custody of her until such time. "Birthmom" said that the case was adjourned until January 12th at which time all evidence would be heard and a decision rendered (but that it could go to trial that whole week or two).

Based on what we have heard from "Birthmom", "Birthdad" is hoping to find a steady job, get off drugs, and secure a permanent address. Then he will be assessed as to his fitness to parent. In the meantime "The Aunt" will have her homestudy completed by CAS in hopes of fostering "Sadie" until "Birthdad" gets his feet back on the ground.
In the interim "Sadie" would stay with her foster family until fitness of both parties could be determined.

Paul and I feel, and correct us if we are wrong, that it is not terribly likely that "Birthdad" will be awarded custody in the end. Based on his track record, and his previous disinterest in "Sadie", we are hopeful that this will all come out in the wash. That being said we would still like the opportunity to 'Foster with a View' and we would love this opportunity sooner rather then later. We understand the risk is significantly higher now that the Birthfather is in the picture - but we feel the benefits to "Sadie" being placed with a potential "forever family" could only be beneficial to her in the end.

I guess the way we see it is this:

She can stay with her foster family (forming a stronger bond everyday to them) only to be decidedly removed from them in a couple of months...

OR

She can be fostered by us (start to forge a bond) until the middle of January when things should ultimately be resolved, and one of two things will happen...
Either she will go and live with her Aunt temporarily, or (thinking this is more likely) she will be placed permanently with us, as "Birthdad" DID NOT meet the parenting standards needed.

If it is the latter then isn't "Sadie" better off to have moved sooner rather then later? And if in fact "Birthdad" does prove himself to be a competent parent, then has "Sadie" suffered from living with us for the last two months?
These are questions we ask ourselves daily.

We completely understand that your first concern is "Sadie" - and I want to assure you, we are only thinking of her in these scenarios. We strongly believe that being fostered by us until this situation is resolved is what is most beneficial to her future. We understand that we are setting ourselves up for heart break (should Birthdad get custody in the end) BUT it may NOT go that way - and if it doesn't then we would have waisted precious months, months that are crucial in her development and attachments.

After speaking with the case workers at Toronto CAS last night (during our pride training) they said that it would not be out of the realm to foster "Sadie" while all of this plays itself out. They did explain to us, that 'usually CAS tries to not to move the child too many times - but that if the scenario is as this one is - it could be a consideration to move the child if the possible outcome is a Forever Home, as it is in this case'.

We felt the need to tell you what we were thinking as we wanted there to be no confusion. We still want to foster "Sadie" through this, and we are hopeful this will all work itself out to everyones benefit in the end (particularly "Sadie's") by moving in with us.

Please know that it is not our intention to overstep our bounds, we just could not sleep at night knowing we had not told you how we were feeling on this subject - just in case it could make a difference one way or another.

We look forward to hearing your thoughts either by phone or email.
Chat soon,
Meagan & Paul"

Too Angry to even blog!!!

I know many of you are waiting to find out what happened at "Sadie's" hearing on Tuesday, and to that I say ..."Take a Number as we are waiting too". I got a very vague response from CAS stating that they knew nothing and would not know more for some time. So that is that...
...But then Birthmother stepped in and gave us some information (which I cannot validate for accuracy). Bottom line is the birthfather showed up with his lawyer and presented his case. His case being that he would like the opportunity to get his act together so that he may be a proper parent to "Sadie" one day. In the meantime he would like his sister to get temporary custody - until his life is back on track. The judge agreed to adjourn the case till January 12th at which point a decision will need to be made one way or another. It could take up to 2 weeks for the entire case to be presented but the judge said nobody is going anywhere until that little girls fate has been decided.

So that is where we stand - I know it does not give you much to go on - but that is all we know.

I am frustrated and angry today - as I feel this little girl (our little girl potentially) deserves better then "We will wait and see come January 12th).

I have not given up on the idea that she will spend her first Christmas with us!

Ho ho ho!!!

Tomorrow is a very BIG DAY! (or not)

Just wanted to let you all know that tomorrow is "Sadie's" crown wardship hearing. We are hoping that this will all be resolved by tomorrow afternoon - but we have been warned that the possibility of adjournment is a good one. So our fingers and toes are crossed that everything goes our way tomorrow and there is finally an end to this agonizing wait.

Stay tuned...

Turns out we obviously DID have ENOUGH on our plate!!

After much discussion last night Paul and I decided NOT to place an offer on the house at this time. We heard that the owner would not be willing to entertain an offer with ANY conditions on it what so ever - so that pretty much put us out of the game. Why bother trying if you know your offer is going to be rejected. We figured, if he does not want to play ball then screw him. We would love to have moved into such a great neighborhood, in a much bigger house - but if it is not meant to be then who are we to argue. Although we were disappointed, we also felt some relief not to have to deal with all of this right now (although I do maintain that no time is a good time to move - cause moving is almost always an ass pain).

On the "Sadie" front, I heard from CAS yesterday. What I heard was "NOTHING"! They know nothing about how the meeting went nor have they heard back from the birthfather's lawyer. I mean..."no rush, its just a little girls life we are talking about here". "Seriously, take your time!!!! I mean we can just adopt her after she graduates college". That way we can save a whole boat load of money and tons of aggravation!!!

This process is so incredibly frustrating - we find a little girl to adopt but we can't adopt her at that time - we wait ten months, get the call, find out we are good to go and then, "Nope" we have to WAIT SOME MORE 'cause someone else may want to adopt her....THEN the whole process goes into limbo and nobody knows anything. This process is supposed to be 'child oriented' (supposed to be what is best for the child). I ask you does this seem like this is what is 'BEST for the CHILD'?? This Lawyer needs to stop dragging his feet and either fish or cut bait. Don't just leave things hanging in the balance!

Here is hoping we hear something today - but we were warned we may not hear anything until after October 28th court date (her wardship hearing). We have also been warned that this date will more then likely be adjourned. "No Seriously - take your time!!!"

Arghhhhh!!!!

Just in case we didn't have enough on our plates...

We still have no word on how the appointment with the Birthfather, his sister and his lawyer went yesterday. Our CAS worker was not in the office yesterday but we do expect to hear something at some point today. Our fingers and toes are crossed for the best possible outcome.

In the meantime Paul and I have decided to buy a bigger and better house in the affluent neighborhood of "THE BEACH". We stumbled across a detached victorian that has been renovated and has 2 car parking and a basement apartment (which will afford us the opportunity to get into this place). We decided on Sunday evening to put an offer in - and wouldn't you know it, IT SOLD(after spending well over 6 months sitting on the market). We couldn't believe our luck. We have been looking for a new house for more then 3 years now and in those three years we have found a grand total of 2 houses that we have liked enough to place an offer on. The first one we lost in a very brutal bidding war and now this one. The good news came yesterday when we got the call from our agent letting us know that the offer fell through and it is back on the market. Yeahhh! We will place an offer today or tomorrow and see what comes of it. So we will "possibly" be moving in the next month or so. 'Cause I guess adopting a baby, dealing with court battles, upcoming Christmas holidays etc.. are just not enough for us, we need to add buying and selling houses to the mix.

Are we crazy? WE just might be!!!

Fit or Not Fit that is the Question?

Here is the latest: We spoke to the Birthmother today and she filled us in on the paternal aunt/sister scenario. She apparently has 3 small children (all under the age of 5), she is 28 yrs old, not married but has a boyfriend, and (during the time of the birthmother knowing her) was not employed.
So, we are not here to pass judgment or try to pin point what exactly makes a fit parent...but if I had to guess, it does not sound like she is in an ideal situation to parent another small baby.
We are hopeful that this will not progress to anything more then an inconvenience, but we do remain cautious, as the courts almost always favor the biological family for placement. However, Paul and I do have an ace up our sleeve, knowing that we have ties to her biological sister, and ties to the birthmother (being that she has picked us to parent her daughter in an open adoption), we hope this will hold some weight in the courts.
All we can do now is sit back and watch this develop. We pray that it will not delay things too much but we are smart enough to know that it certainly will not help matters. We had hoped to have "Sadie" living with us by the second week of November, but now we will be lucky if she is with us by Christmas. It is sad and frustrating, but in the bigger picture a few more months won't kill us if she ends up with us in the end.
I guess I don't need to tell you the Birthmother is just beside herself - worried that she will lose "Sadie" to the Birthfather and/or his family. They do not have an amicable relationship and I am fairly certain there are some types of restraining orders in place. The whole thing is a bit of a nightmare - and if it was not for a beautiful little girl's happiness at stake, Paul and I would be tempted to high tail it out of here. But we are already in love with her (if that is possible) and we have wanted her since the day she came into this world. I guess this is a true test of parenting: When the going gets tough, you can't just turn your back, you have to fight till the very end....and that is just what we intend to do.
"Hell hath no furry like an adoptive mother/father scorned."

"Never Count your Chickens Before they Hatch!"

Wise words!

My husband just spoke those very words to me this past weekend. But I have always been of the thought process - "if you build they will come!" I guess Paul wins...

I just received a call from CAS telling us that the WORST has HAPPENED. 'At the eleventh hour the Birthfather has said that his sister is putting forth an adoption plan for "Sadie". So, that being said it is not wise for us to go forward with the meeting tomorrow.' 'It would just be too hard on everyone concerned.'

At this point nobody knows anything about this so called sister of his. Like what kind of woman she is, if she is a transient like her brother, or mother of the year? We don't even know if she is aware of her brother's plans, or aware of "Sadie" for that matter. We are hoping beyond hope that this is just the birthfather's way of stalling the proceedings. BUT, it could very well all be true. As it stands - our meeting tomorrow is no longer, and we should know more about the situation on Tuesday of next week.

Obviously Paul and I are pretty upset - as it seems we always take two steps forward and then 4 steps back. This situation has been beyond frustrating from the get go, but we are optimistic that this will all be worth it in the end.

Please pray for us, and cross your fingers and toes. We need all the hope we can get.

I should be talking to the birthmother either tonight or tomorrow and we hope she can shed some light on this UGLY SITUATION!

PRAY HARD!!

The biggest decision so far...

The birth mother contacted me today and asked me if Paul and I had decided on a name for our future daughter...She said she wanted to know so that she could start to get used to using her new name.
...Now I have been bugging Paul to talk about this with me since we found out about this opportunity...I even went so far as to give him a list of 20 names and have him select the ones he liked. We finally got it narrowed down to a top 5. Then I asked Paul to place them in order of preference. So he did! Finally I had a list to work with. We were able to widdle it down to our top three names - and I have been pestering him ever since to settle on just one. He said we shouldn't decide until we see her. FAIR ENOUGH!!! Well after getting the picture of her on Friday I thought we would finally be able to agree and start referring to our new daughter by her new name. So on the long drive home from Quebec to Toronto I asked him what we should choose. He said "not until we see her!!"
...Now you should all know that I have trouble choosing between chicken or beef in a restaurant so deciding on what to name my future daughter is not going to be something I excel in. Decision making is not my forte.
...So today when the birthmother asked me what we had chosen to name little "Sadie", I finally made a decision and wrote her name for the first time and then I pressed send. So I think we have chosen our name!

Thank god nothing is set in stone till we sign the papers. LOL!!!

Stay tuned - we should be announcing her full name by this weekend!

"So much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!"

Another year another thanksgiving, Paul and I loaded up the car (with Ruby) and headed off to Ottawa to celebrate yet another holiday "sans child", and although we knew that this would probably be our LAST Childless thanksgiving we still wished that she was in the back seat making the drive with us...(Heck we wished we had a clue what she looked like). When we asked CAS if they could show us a picture of her they said they didn't have one but promised us she was beautiful. I mean GREAT SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!! BUT WHAT DOES OUR FUTURE DAUGHTER LOOK LIKE??? Until Friday at 4pm (after a long drive from Toronto) I decided to check my email and there it was shining like a beacon in my in-box "Sadie.jpeg" with a note attached that read "Here she is" signed CAS. My heart dropped...and then skipped a few beats. This was going to be a defining moment in our lives - we were about to see our daughter for the first time. I screamed for Paul who was outside enjoying a beer on the front porch with my dad and brother. He told me to wait a minute and I said "we have waited 10 months for this and I am not waiting one more second". He came into the office where I was sitting in anticipation in front of my open Hotmail account. I asked him if he was ready to see his new daughter? I clicked 'open' and there she was; the sweetest little girl I have every laid eyes on. I have to admit there was a moment of fear that she may have a third eye or a giant nose - but she was perfect. Smiling with the most sparkly eyes and gorgeous cheeks. So bloody cute she literally took our breath away. It was a surreal moment, staring at this picture of a baby - a baby that would forever be known as "Our Daughter".
As a new adoptive parent I often wondered if I would be able to love a strangers baby the same way I would love a baby born of my womb. I wondered if I would feel those same feelings a "natural mother" feels. But it doesn't matter if your "natural" or not, when you see your baby for the first time - whether in a delivery room or on a jpeg on your computer screen - the feeling of pride and joy is the same. We are about to become a forever family just like billions of others families in this world. A Mommy, a Daddy, a Puppy and our new beautiful baby girl. NOW I ASK YOU, WHAT COULD BE MORE NATURAL THEN THAT?

A few more details...

I know my post yesterday was a little on the vague side - sorry about that! I was physically and emotionally wiped out. I know they say having a baby takes a lot out of a woman but I am here to tell you that 'getting' a baby can be just as taxing. I feel like I just went through 168 hours of labour and I have 672 hours left (one more month).
So many of you are wondering about the details of all of this - so I will try to explain it the best way I understood it. We will be Fostering to Adopt *Sadie, which means that we will have her placed in our home even before we are able to permanently adopt her. I will be required to drive her 1 hour and 45 minutes away twice a week to visit with her birthmother for 2 hours at a time. I have to be honest I am not looking forward to those drives especially in the winter months - but it is a small price to pay after all. I will be required to do these bi-weekly visit with her birthmother until she is officially adopted. Once we have adopted her, then we will be required to meet with her birthmother 4 times in the first year of our agreement and then three times a year there after for the rest of *Sadies life. This is called an "Open Adoption Plan". This was a verbal agreement that we made with the birthmother during our meeting yesterday. It is also the same arrangement that *Ann and her husband have with the birthmother with regards to their daughter *Jessica. Luckily *Ann and her family have agreed (schedules permitting) to have some of these visits together. This should help alleviate some of the pressure we all might be feeling around these visits.
Let it also be known that the Birthmother has a mental illness. This could prove to make some of the visits challenging - but we are committed to keeping *Sadie's relationship with her birthmother alive. It won't always be easy, but it is necessary and important.
The most frequently asked question I am getting right now is 'WHEN WILL WE GET HER?'. The short answer is: We are hopeful that it will be in 2-3 weeks! The long answer is: It could take as long as a month (as we have one road block we must overcome with CAS). At the very most her hearing for crown wardship is on October 28th, 2008. Assuming it is not adjourned yet again (aka no one opposes the motion for wardship) then she should be living with us by Holloween. But we are hopeful and wishful that we will have her sooner then that. In the meantime we are meeting with the Birthmother and little *Sadie on Friday the 17th (this is tentative right now). We will also be scheduling some visits with *Sadie in her foster home to help get her accustomed to us in order to ease the transition from her home now to her forever home - US!
So, it appears that our dreams to parent this little girl are really coming true, even after we had given up complete hope. It just goes to show you, never give up even if things look bleak. You just never know what the universe has planned for you.
Holy Crap - We are going to be parents in 3 weeks. Is this really happening??

ps: Here is what we know about her: She was born on December 29th at 5:36pm(Capricorn). She weighed 7.4lbs. She has blue eyes, dark blond straight hair. The only picture I have seen of her is one that was taken hours after her birth. I am told she looks like her paternal grandmother. We are told she is "beautiful" by the CAS workers, and she is mild tempered with a happy disposition. We hope to have a picture of her soon.

Big News!

Well we did it, we had our big meeting and in Paul's words "things could not have gone better". It started out a little rocky as the birthmother was not having a good day and was very anxious about meeting us. CAS almost postponed the meeting as she was not in a "good head space". But she managed to work through it and once we all got to talking everything seemed to go fine. She relaxed and got more comfortable and the next thing you know an hour had gone by. In the end she wanted to know how we felt about mental illness and how we planned on educating *Sadie about it. Paul jumped right in and saved the day - told her he was a Psychology major and had done extensive volunteer work at the local psychiatric hospital. She was thrilled to hear that. Over the moon actually!! So, that was that...her decision was made. We were to be *Sadie's new family, and the best part is that CAS is equally on board and seems to want to facilitate this adoption as much as they can and as quickly as possible. They hope to place *Sadie with us as soon as they are able to (possibly before her court hearing on October 28th). We will meet with all of them again in the next two weeks to set up a visitation to meet *Sadie in her foster home.
The Birthfather is a bit of a concern as well and could hold things up tremendously if he chooses not to show up for the court hearing - but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
Until then, we will focus on getting ready for little *Sadie and start to prepare Ruby for a new sister.
Looks like it will be a very Merry Christmas!

Tomorrow is our big day!

Just wanted to let you all know tomorrow is our BIG meeting with CAS and we are nervous beyond belief. This is like the biggest job interview of our lives.

Should we buy a new outfit - get a new haircut - should we be professional or ourselves?

Our only consolation is that the Birthmother is just as nervous as we are. So at least we are in the same boat.

Now if only CAS was as nervous we would all be on an even playing field.

Here goes nothing! Wish us luck and pray for us!!

This Just In...

CAS just contacted us last night and told us Quote:

"...please be cautious that although*Tanya may say 'yes', she wants you to be the adoptive parents to *Sadie at Fridays meeting, that much could change with court, the birth father , etc... and *Tanya changing her mind... My colleague and I have been asked by the Family ServiceWorker (who deals with *Tanya and the court application) not to make any firm decisions between Friday and the court date that is scheduled for Oct 28th."

Grrrr!!! Paul and I just get so frustrated that a little girls life is hanging in the balance of all of these delays. We have been trying to adopt this little girl for over 8 months and now that we are so very close - we are told we are going to have wait yet another month before a decision can even be made. It's just so hard to understand how all this beaurocracy can stand in the way of getting families together.

I know, they are just doing their job, and that these things take time - I just needed to vent!

Talk to you all on Friday after the BIG MEETING!!!

Quick Update!!!

Well it's now Sunday and we have had the weekend to wrap our heads and hearts around this. So much has happened this week, I doubt we even fully grasped how monumental it was or is for that matter.
On Friday afternoon I got a call from the CAS Case Worker and she said that they have set up a meeting with *Tanya (the birthmother) in her home town on Friday at 10am. So this is really happening! We will be meeting our very first Birthmother in less then 5 days time.
Nervous? What ME?? Nahhhh!!!! lol!
Then on Friday evening I got a "Friends Request" from Birthmother on Facebook. She said in her message "I won't stop fighting until * Sadie is in your arms!!" This was really nice to read, as we had no way of knowing how she really felt about us. She told *Ann later that evening that although she was incredibly sad to be loosing yet another daughter - she was happy and relieved with her decision in picking Paul and I to adopt her.
We have been warned however by the CAS case worker, that she may wish to review other couples profiles - so we need to be ready for that. I think that CAS will encourage her to look at others so that she is confident with her ultimate decision whatever that may turn out to be.
Now for the hard question: Our CAS worker has asked us to have some names ready as the Birthmother will be asking us what we plan on calling her. We have agreed to keep her first name and use it as her middle name - but we would like to give her a fresh new start with a fresh new name. We have shortened our list down to 7 names (actually 6 'cause one of them I am not %100 on).
I am still debating whether or not I will post them and get some opinions. But we are on the fence with this as names are such a personal thing that we may have to take this one on our own.
I'll keep you posted.

Life is like that!

So I didn't think I would be posting here this soon since my last post, as I didn't think I would have anything new to tell you, BUT as it turns out, there is a new chapter to this story of ours.
Isn't that always the way? Just when you think you are heading in one direction life throws you a curve ball and takes you in a completely different direction. I think the universe likes to remind us sometimes who is really in charge.
Seventeen months ago (after my final IVF treatment), when Paul and I first started this adoption journey we were lost. Not knowing what steps to take, feeling overwhelmed about the whole process. I mean I fancied myself quite the fertility expert; but adoption, I was out of my league here. 'Till one day at my dentist's office, I told her about our plans to adopt...She told me she had a patient who had adopted three beautiful children and if I wanted she would pass my number along to her. I thought that was a great idea. I mean who better to talk to about adoption than someone who has been through it three times herself. PERFECT! So five months later *Ann called me. She was great, and we hit it off instantly. She gave me advice on who to register with, contact names, social workers to call...I mean she was a regular encyclopedia of adoption information. Then she told me about her three children and gave me a brief history of their situations, particularly her youngest *Jessica. At that time she even told me that *Jessica's Birth Mother *Tanya was expecting again in December. I filed the information away but never thought much of it. I mean we were just "thinking" about adoption.
Fast forward 4 months later...it's now January and *Jessica's birth mother *Tanya has given birth to a beautiful perfect baby girl named *Sadie. *Tanya has every intention of keeping this child and parenting her, but to *Tania's dismay Children's Aid Society has other plans. *Sadie is placed in foster care. In the meantime *Ann has contacted us and told us of this situation. So Paul and I pressed forward with our adoption plans and got our homestudy completed in record time - Just in case *Tanya did decide to make an adoption plan for *Sadie then we would be ready and willing. It was a long shot at best, but we were hopeful. So hopeful in fact that we went out and bought clothes, a stroller, and a car seat...Hell we even decorated her nursery! I know, I know - crazy!!! But low and behold, we never heard anything from *Tanya, and Paul and I finally had to come to the realization that it was time to move on.
Fast forward again to present day...We just sent in our application for Vietnam. Worse yet, we sent in our $$$$$ to Vietnam. We are on the list, we are happy and waiting for approval...
Then out of the blue I get an email from *Ann. She says that *Tanya has asked her if we would still be interested in adopting little *Sadie. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I mean we had given up on that scenario all together. But when you ask the universe for something it never stops working for you...sometimes it takes a little longer, but it does its best to get you what you asked for. So, 9 months after this whole thing began we have come full circle. *Tanya is considering us to parent *Sadie, and the best part is, that CAS appears to be on board as well. They feel it is in the best interest of *Sadie to keep close ties with *Jessica (her biological sister), and because of the friendship that *Ann and I had cultivated, we made a promise to keep the girls close to each other.
Update: CAS just called me a few minutes ago and they are going to try and squeeze us into their PRIDE class (that we must take in order to adopt any child from CAS)..so that is good news. I doubt they would go to that trouble if they did not think we were a good match for *Sadie.
So to wrap up, two days ago we were just another couple on the road to adoption, knowing it would take two years or more before we would bring our little girl home from Vietnam. Now we are hopeful to be parents by Christmas. Life Is Just Like That I Guess!!!

*The names in this story have been changed to protect their privacy.

Life is full of twists and turns...

So after making the BIG decision to abandon fertility treatments, we began our journey towards adoption. Once that decision was made we decided to adopt internationally from Vietnam. It was a no-brainer for us, as a colleague of mine adopted from TDH approx. 10 years ago. Paul and I had the pleasure of spending Christmas with my colleague and her daughter Victoria while on a layover in BC over 5 years ago now. We fell in love with her - she was spunky and outgoing, friendly and beautiful in every way. We said "ironically"..."if we ever adopt we would like to adopt from Vietnam..." WHO KNEW?

So, in early October of 2007 we contacted a social worker and after much discussion we were persuaded (by friends and family etc...) to adopt privately (even after we had attended International Adoption Seminars etc...). We were told that because of our age (34yrs) we would have a good shot at private adoption. We were told we were "A Shiny Couple"... so we were convinced. We knew the competition was stiff but we were up for the challenge. Private it was!!! We completed our private adoption homestudy and registered with 4 different agencies ($$$$). In March of 2008 we were contacted 3 seperate times in the space of a week to be told we were being considered. We were over the moon that week and then down in the dumps, and then over the moon and then down in the dumps and then....well you get the picture, as they say, close only counts in horseshoes and in the end the birth mothers went with other couples. We came so close at one point I even decorated the nursery and bought our new little girl her first wardrobe. Lesson Learned - what is it that they say "Chickens should not be counted before they hatch..." Wise Words!!

So after 9 long months of waiting and waiting, and waiting some more, we finally got the call - only it was not the call we had thought we would get. It was our Vietnam Agency (TDH) calling to tell us that we had made it up to the primary list and we should send in our homestudy and application. So a decision needed to be made....Private? or International? What to do, what to do?? In the end we decided to go with International as it was our first love and our first instinct...it was also a sure bet 'cause we had learned how unpredictable the world of private adoption can be. So we called up our SW and asked her to do an amendment and make our homestudy "Internationally Friendly"($$$).

Problem: Our home visit had an expiry date of September 02, 2008. So I called TDH and asked them to fire it off to the Ministry ASAP before our documents expired and we had to shell out more cash to keep it up to date. They agreed and our docket was sent off on August 28th. Here's hoping it gets there in time and does not prove to be expired by the time they get to look at it.

Stay tuned....

Life is a journey...

A friend suggested the other day that I create blog to document our journey through the "Roads of Adoption". I had to admit it was a good idea. I mean one day, we might want to look back and remember this time and I am sure we will want to remember it accurately. So what better way then to document all of our comings and goings through this process than to create a Blog. At the very least I know our future child will appreciate reading all about the adventures of their Adoption Story.
This process sure isn't for the faint of heart or the weak willed. I have to tell you I have never worked or researched so hard, then since we got the adoption ball rolling. But I also know that nothing will have a bigger pay off in the end. So is it worth it? God Yes!!!
Two and half years ago, my husband and I 'started trying' for a family. I mean everyone else was doing it, so it seemed like the logical thing to do. Not to say, we had not given it much thought, but we were brazen and cocky about the whole process. All of our friends were getting pregnant by just looking at each other, so I mean how hard could it be? Once we were pregnant we would have 9 months to figure it all out, right? Well after 6 months of trying with no success, we decided to seek some outside help. 'Welcome to the world of infertility....fastened your seatbelt cause it's going to be a bumpy ride.' Needles, and probes, doctors and nurses, appointments after appointment, calling in sick to work, hormone induced arguments...the fun just never seemed to end. Until one day (after ten UIU's, 18 timed intercourse sessions, four attempted IVFs, one chemical pregnancy and a partridge in a pear tree - WE QUIT-WE SURRENDER - YOU WIN! We threw in the "Infertility Proverbial Towel" so to speak. It had all been too much, and was not worth the toll it was taking on my body, my health and my marriage. Everyone has a "LINE" and we had crossed it. We needed to find our way back before the line got so far away we could no longer see it.
We mourned for many months, even considered giving it one more "kick at the can". Cause like any addiction, you believe the next time could be the answer to "eternal happiness". But in the end we knew that a biological child would not be for us. After all my husband was adopted, and so is my sister-in -law, heck even some of my best friends were adopted, so would it be so terrible to start our family that way. It took careful thought, and in the end I simply was not ready to wrap my head around the whole thing... Until one day I was cleaning out 'our future nursery', when I came across my husbands baby book. In it was a letter from his 'Birth Mother' explaining why she was forced to give him up. It was the age old story, (too young, no job, not sure if she loved the birth father) and then something incredible happened to me. I read what his adoptive mother had wrote...how excited they were when they got the call, how she was going to name him "Paul" just cause she liked the name,what a mild tempered and content baby he was. You could feel the love written in those pages, see it in the pictures of them as a family. It was then and there that I knew that it didn't matter how our baby came to us, as long as we were able to have a baby. I believed in my heart of hearts that I could love a strangers child as much as I could love my own. I rushed down stairs and said to Paul, "Lets do it! Lets adopt our baby!"