I know, I know its been a while!
....But it is true what they say, you get busy as a mom and there is no time for this kind of stuff...
Caiden has been home with us now for just over 3 months and boy what a roller coaster it has been. First I was thrilled, then I was terrified, then I was "what the hell have we done????". But through and through that little smile that we get every morning when we go and get her in her crib makes it all worth the while. She smiles and stands and says "Hi" in this low whisper and it makes us melt every time we hear it. Then there is night time when we go and check in on her and her little bum is up in the air and she is twirling her hair with her index finger (to sooth herself), sooooo freaking cute!!!
So all in all life has been amazing since she came home - not without its challenges ( I wont lie), but amazing none the less. She adapted well in the first month (the honeymooon phase as they call it) but then the wheels fell off during the second month and all hell broke loose. She refused to eat - her sleeping was less then great and she developed a slapping habit which we are still trying to break.
I am happy to report that she is now a happy and well adjusted little girl (who Paul refers to as his "chicken sandwich"- don't ask me why?) and she seems to be fully attached to us and equally in love. She knows WE ARE HER PARENTS!
We are a happy family that is adjusting daily and really no different then anyone else at this point. Good days, bad days and days that simply wow us - she walked for the first time on Monday the 18th of April. This was a BIG DAY for us as well as Caiden. She was so proud.
It was a long road to get here - a very long road!!! BUT we did it and I can honestly say she was so worth waiting for. As you can all see from her picture she is PERFECT and we love her more then we ever thought possible.
Happy endings really do happen - we are living proof.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
My First Week As A Mom!
...where do I begin? First off - we got the surprise of the week on Monday January 26th when the foster mom decided that it would be best for Caiden if she moved in with us the next day PERMANENTLY, instead of February 2nd as initially planned. This was a full 7 days earlier then scheduled. The foster mom felt that she was ready for the big move and well, who was I to argue? We agreed as it was proving to be a lot for the poor little lamb. We were thrilled, I picked her up on Tuesday afternoon and the goodbye was not nearly as emotional as I thought it would be. The foster family was strong and tear free - which made things easier on the baby I think. I presented her with yellow roses and a mother of pearl picture frame with Caiden in the tub and numerous other pictures we had taken over the week. I wanted her to have something to remember her by. I was going to put together an album but the move up date caught me by surprise - so I was not ready.
Caiden has settled in nicely and is adapting well. She has a severe chest cold though, which we worry might be allergies to Ruby. GOD WE HOPE NOT!! I will take her to the doctors today. We have determined that she is extremely bright and does not need to be shown things to her twice for her to learn them...however her motor skills are fairly delayed so we have a lot of work to do in that department. She may need physio therapy, but we will not know for sure for another few months.
She had her first access visit with her birthmom yesterday (that I had to take her to). Man oh man was that a pain in the butt. I loaded her into the car at around 7:30 am, got stuck in a snow bank and had to wake two neighbors to push me out, then once on our way got stuck in rush hour traffic...2 and half hours later we arrived at the Church Basement (where the visits take place). I handed her off (reluctantly) and went on my merry way, making myself scarce for two hours...then I picked her up at noon and made our way home in a winter storm...not arriving back home 'till 2:30pm. To say she was cranky would be a gross understatement. She was not fed, she had not slept (except for a snooze in the car). I was mad! I mean no one year old should be subjected to that once a week. Its cruel and unusual punishment. When I called CAS to complain about the schedule they told me and I quote "this is why we did not want to give her to you in the first place - it was easier when she was in this city" . Funny I thought the idea was to put the childs needs first. ARghhhh! I could have killed this woman.
So Sunday will be Caiden's coming out Party. My family from Ottawa is driving in and Paul's family from North Toronto will be driving up as well. She will have tons of family there that are all dying to meet her - not to mention her biological sister will be there (with her family) too. We will host the party at the Rain Forest Cafe, as our house is simply too small to have everyone here. Our next house is going to be huge, mark my words! We worry that it will be overwhelming for Caiden to meet all these new people that already are in love with her - but the family needs to meet her so we figured "go big or go home!"
When Caiden wakes from her nap her and mommy are going to go party dress shopping for her big day. FUN!
Now I have to run - as laundry is calling. GOD I HATE LAUNDRY!! It never ends...oh and then I have to find time to shower as well.
Paul came home last night and I asked him when we would find time to get the railing done (as it has to be put up before CAS does their inspection on our house safety on Tuesday). His response was "I worked all day; I am tired" He said this to me while I was picking up toys, finishing laundry and still cleaning the kitchen from dinner. A simple look was all it took to get my point across. I WORKED ALL DAY TOO!
Caiden has settled in nicely and is adapting well. She has a severe chest cold though, which we worry might be allergies to Ruby. GOD WE HOPE NOT!! I will take her to the doctors today. We have determined that she is extremely bright and does not need to be shown things to her twice for her to learn them...however her motor skills are fairly delayed so we have a lot of work to do in that department. She may need physio therapy, but we will not know for sure for another few months.
She had her first access visit with her birthmom yesterday (that I had to take her to). Man oh man was that a pain in the butt. I loaded her into the car at around 7:30 am, got stuck in a snow bank and had to wake two neighbors to push me out, then once on our way got stuck in rush hour traffic...2 and half hours later we arrived at the Church Basement (where the visits take place). I handed her off (reluctantly) and went on my merry way, making myself scarce for two hours...then I picked her up at noon and made our way home in a winter storm...not arriving back home 'till 2:30pm. To say she was cranky would be a gross understatement. She was not fed, she had not slept (except for a snooze in the car). I was mad! I mean no one year old should be subjected to that once a week. Its cruel and unusual punishment. When I called CAS to complain about the schedule they told me and I quote "this is why we did not want to give her to you in the first place - it was easier when she was in this city" . Funny I thought the idea was to put the childs needs first. ARghhhh! I could have killed this woman.
So Sunday will be Caiden's coming out Party. My family from Ottawa is driving in and Paul's family from North Toronto will be driving up as well. She will have tons of family there that are all dying to meet her - not to mention her biological sister will be there (with her family) too. We will host the party at the Rain Forest Cafe, as our house is simply too small to have everyone here. Our next house is going to be huge, mark my words! We worry that it will be overwhelming for Caiden to meet all these new people that already are in love with her - but the family needs to meet her so we figured "go big or go home!"
When Caiden wakes from her nap her and mommy are going to go party dress shopping for her big day. FUN!
Now I have to run - as laundry is calling. GOD I HATE LAUNDRY!! It never ends...oh and then I have to find time to shower as well.
Paul came home last night and I asked him when we would find time to get the railing done (as it has to be put up before CAS does their inspection on our house safety on Tuesday). His response was "I worked all day; I am tired" He said this to me while I was picking up toys, finishing laundry and still cleaning the kitchen from dinner. A simple look was all it took to get my point across. I WORKED ALL DAY TOO!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
We Finally Meet Our Daughter.
On Thursday the 15th of January 2009 at aprox. 12:30pm our lives were forever changed. We finally met our beautiful daughter "Sadie", now known as Caiden (assuming the name sticks). She was all smiles as we walked into a visitation room at the local Children's Aid Society. Her birthmother proudly introduced her to us, "...this is your future mommy and daddy!" she said. We almost burst into tears right there and then. She was the most perfect little girl we had ever laid eyes on. Her eyes sparkled and she gave us a big smile. Her birthmom then put her into my arms and at that moment I knew my life was perfect. It was by far the happiest day of our lives and we knew from that moment forward life was never going to be the same for us. Caiden was outgoing and engaging, her eyes so shinny and her toothy smile lit up the room (or maybe that was Paul and I as we were beaming with pride). She took to Paul instantly and did not make strange with him at all - she even gave us a little dance - which was hands down the cutest thing we have ever seen. We spent time with her and birthmom (about an hour) and then it was time for her to go back to the foster home, so we jumped into the car and followed her there. Once we got there we were greeted by a warm and welcoming woman named "Petunia". It was obvious to us that Caiden had been well taken care of and was extremely loved by this family, we could just feel it. "Petunia" is a single mom with two biological daughters of her own, ages 10 and 12 (I am guessing). When her girls arrived home from school it was absolute mayhem - they were so excited to meet us, they immediately started taking tons of pictures and asking us heaps of questions. They were so cute! It was obvious that they were sad to be loosing her, but they seemed to like us and that reassured them somewhat. We loved them instantly! This family that kept our daughter safe and happy for the past 12 months - I mean how could we not love them, really? So, we spent the rest of the day talking to the foster mom about Caiden's routine and finding out her likes and wants. I have to be honest it was information overload but I was a sponge and tried to soak up as much as I could. After all this little girl would be coming home with us in 2 weeks and I needed to know everything there was to know about her. We then worked out a visitation schedule for Paul and I (which basically consists of visiting her everyday). Then we had the opportunity to feed her (see our video of that on FB - too funny!) and give her a bath which was a laugh riot - she was so cute in the tub. There is nothing like a wet, soapy, slippery baby to bring a smile to your face instantly. Kisses goodbye and then we put her down for bed. Our first day with our new daughter was over - but I was already counting the hours till I could come back the next day.
Friday was my first day with her alone. (Don't even get me started on the car seat installation). Now I have to be honest, it was a little terrifying. I mean what if she didn't take to me or she decided to cry the entire time we spent together? Well, as they say: sink or swim Meag 'cause this is it! I picked her up and took her shopping for some new toys (we have none for her here). I wasn't trying to buy her affection or anything - but if she loved me for it then so be it - lol! She seemed to be content spending time with me (a complete stranger) as we engaged in a game of "Ah oh!!" for about 30 minutes or so. You would think I would have tired of this game after 2 minutes but I think she tired of it before I did. It was adorable to hear her say "ah oh!!" over and over again. We finished shopping and I brought her back to her foster home. The girls came home from school and the oldest of the girls appeared visibly upset. I asked her if she had had a bad day at school and she just shook her head. I asked her if she was upset about me taken Caiden away and she burst into tears. I felt horrible! CAS has put us all in an impossible situation. I mean the foster family secretly must resents us for taking her away, the birthmom must resent us for taking her from her, Caiden will resent us for taking her from her "home"! Everywhere we turn we are hurting someone, all because CAS dragged their feet with this adoption, but I am too happy to be bitter, so I will get past these feeling of guilt and look to the future. It is brighter there.
So to wrap up, we will visit with her for the next two weeks and she will even have some overnight visits with us within that time. Then, on Jan 30th she will come and spend the entire weekend with us. Finally on Feb 2nd, I will pay the foster family one last visit (for now) and pick up our daughter to bring her home with us FOR GOOD! It will be a bitter sweet day, for as happy as we will be on that day, it will also mean taking her away from the only mother and sisters she has ever known. I shudder to think how I will keep it together.
My heart aches with just the thought of it now.
Friday was my first day with her alone. (Don't even get me started on the car seat installation). Now I have to be honest, it was a little terrifying. I mean what if she didn't take to me or she decided to cry the entire time we spent together? Well, as they say: sink or swim Meag 'cause this is it! I picked her up and took her shopping for some new toys (we have none for her here). I wasn't trying to buy her affection or anything - but if she loved me for it then so be it - lol! She seemed to be content spending time with me (a complete stranger) as we engaged in a game of "Ah oh!!" for about 30 minutes or so. You would think I would have tired of this game after 2 minutes but I think she tired of it before I did. It was adorable to hear her say "ah oh!!" over and over again. We finished shopping and I brought her back to her foster home. The girls came home from school and the oldest of the girls appeared visibly upset. I asked her if she had had a bad day at school and she just shook her head. I asked her if she was upset about me taken Caiden away and she burst into tears. I felt horrible! CAS has put us all in an impossible situation. I mean the foster family secretly must resents us for taking her away, the birthmom must resent us for taking her from her, Caiden will resent us for taking her from her "home"! Everywhere we turn we are hurting someone, all because CAS dragged their feet with this adoption, but I am too happy to be bitter, so I will get past these feeling of guilt and look to the future. It is brighter there.
So to wrap up, we will visit with her for the next two weeks and she will even have some overnight visits with us within that time. Then, on Jan 30th she will come and spend the entire weekend with us. Finally on Feb 2nd, I will pay the foster family one last visit (for now) and pick up our daughter to bring her home with us FOR GOOD! It will be a bitter sweet day, for as happy as we will be on that day, it will also mean taking her away from the only mother and sisters she has ever known. I shudder to think how I will keep it together.
My heart aches with just the thought of it now.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Onto the next dilemma....
WHAT??? You didn't really believe that I would not have a "next dilemma" did you?
We are now faced with naming "Sadie". So, no "Sadie" is not her real name nor is it even in the running for "real names" we are considering. The actual dilemma we are facing is should we change the name or not. We have been referring to "Sadie" as "Sadie" for almost a year now. Especially these past few months her name has been referred to a lot. The problem is while we like her birth given name we want to have the privledge of naming her ourselves. I mean just because we were not able to give birth to her, does not mean we should not be able to pick out our daughters name, does it? There are many arguments for and against this and we have heard them all. There is the fact that she is 1 year old and knows her birth given name, and to change it is just another trauma that she does not need to face, but then we think as long as we make the transition gradually then we should be able to come out of this trauma free (for her). The birthmother really wants to know what her name WILL BE. But we cannot answer her as this feels like THE BIGGEST and MOST IMPORTANT decision we might ever make (I know its not but it feels that way). So we are torn. Not to mention the fact that every time we "try a new name on for size" nothing seems to fit - cause she is "Sadie" and I am not sure if we will ever be able to erase that from the forefront. Don't misunderstand us. We would never want to "erase" her past, 'cause if we did change her first name we would always keep "Sadie" as her middle name. Ideally we would like to find something that sounds goods with her current name so that we can use both names (in the beginning) to ease the transition.... The problem is her current name does not tie in well with other names, or if it does we have yet to figure out what names do work with it.
Paul says not to worry once we meet her tomorrow we will just know - but I am not sure it will be that simple. Arghhhhh I hate making decisions that will affect the rest of our life. I suck at decision making to begin with, something this big is going to drive me over the edge.
I hope Paul's right and we just KNOW when we meet her tomorrow.
We are now faced with naming "Sadie". So, no "Sadie" is not her real name nor is it even in the running for "real names" we are considering. The actual dilemma we are facing is should we change the name or not. We have been referring to "Sadie" as "Sadie" for almost a year now. Especially these past few months her name has been referred to a lot. The problem is while we like her birth given name we want to have the privledge of naming her ourselves. I mean just because we were not able to give birth to her, does not mean we should not be able to pick out our daughters name, does it? There are many arguments for and against this and we have heard them all. There is the fact that she is 1 year old and knows her birth given name, and to change it is just another trauma that she does not need to face, but then we think as long as we make the transition gradually then we should be able to come out of this trauma free (for her). The birthmother really wants to know what her name WILL BE. But we cannot answer her as this feels like THE BIGGEST and MOST IMPORTANT decision we might ever make (I know its not but it feels that way). So we are torn. Not to mention the fact that every time we "try a new name on for size" nothing seems to fit - cause she is "Sadie" and I am not sure if we will ever be able to erase that from the forefront. Don't misunderstand us. We would never want to "erase" her past, 'cause if we did change her first name we would always keep "Sadie" as her middle name. Ideally we would like to find something that sounds goods with her current name so that we can use both names (in the beginning) to ease the transition.... The problem is her current name does not tie in well with other names, or if it does we have yet to figure out what names do work with it.
Paul says not to worry once we meet her tomorrow we will just know - but I am not sure it will be that simple. Arghhhhh I hate making decisions that will affect the rest of our life. I suck at decision making to begin with, something this big is going to drive me over the edge.
I hope Paul's right and we just KNOW when we meet her tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
We did it!
....or should I say the birthmother did it. She signed over her rights yesterday in court freeing up little Sadie for adoption. So it appears this nightmare is almost over for us. We meet our daughter on Thursday the 15th of January. That is in two days. We then hope to have her moved in by the 26th of January. That's right in less than two weeks our life as we know it will change forever. We can hardly believe it, but it does appear that 2009 is shaping up way better than 2008. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Court Today!
Well today is the big court date - god willing things go our way as we have officially bailed out of the Vietnam program. We have lost over $4500.00 in doing so, but we felt we had no choice. It was a gamble - one that better pay off for us!
Roll the Dice!
Roll the Dice!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Next week is IT!
Well, we had our meeting last night with all the "key players" at CAS including the Birthmom. The entourage that woman had was incredible. I don't even think Brad and Angelina travel with that many people (their kids included). She had 3 people there (that were working on her behalf) she should have had four people but her lawyer didn't show up at the last minute. So we started off by meeting all the players including the one player that has been blocking this adoption from day 1, that being the "child protection worker". We sat there and answered all the same questions as before...like, how will we teach Sadie about adoption, what will we tell her about her birth mother, how many visits a year do we agree too (only 3 by the way), it was complete deja vu from the October meeting. Then as the meeting was nearing the end the Child protection Worker told birthmom that she would like to see Sadie moved into our home within the coming weeks. Birthmommy was not happy to hear that (for whatever
reason) but she was told that she really does not have a say in this anymore, that "they wish to include her in the process but she is not making any of the decisions!" THANK YOU!!! The meeting was over and birthmom's nose was completely out of joint - but we felt good about the way things went. Whether or not CAS follows up on their promise to move Sadie in with us does however remain to be seen, but we remain cautiously hopeful. We are however having some reservations about how truthful CAS is being about Sadie's health issues. They are being less then forthcoming with her medical records and we found out last night that coupled with the mental health issues we could also be facing Arnold Chiari Malformation syndrome. Her biological sister has been diagnosed with this and they suspect that Sadie could have it as well, as she is exhibiting many of the same symptoms as her sister. So, just to make things that much more complicated for us, we are now facing a somewhat serious neurological disorder coupled with threats of mental health issues. We are reading up and doing our research but the bottom line is we will not know anything until we can get her to a neurologist. We do wish that CAS had done more medical testing on Sadie, so we could have the full picture - instead of just assumptions and guess work... but they thought the tests to be "too invasive on a little baby - so it was best to wait"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
All we can do is take this one day at a time. It's like we are the stars of our own TV Drama, except there is no one to write our happy ending for us. Wish I could tell you how this story ends...
We should know more by next Tuesday, with visits starting on Thursday.
reason) but she was told that she really does not have a say in this anymore, that "they wish to include her in the process but she is not making any of the decisions!" THANK YOU!!! The meeting was over and birthmom's nose was completely out of joint - but we felt good about the way things went. Whether or not CAS follows up on their promise to move Sadie in with us does however remain to be seen, but we remain cautiously hopeful. We are however having some reservations about how truthful CAS is being about Sadie's health issues. They are being less then forthcoming with her medical records and we found out last night that coupled with the mental health issues we could also be facing Arnold Chiari Malformation syndrome. Her biological sister has been diagnosed with this and they suspect that Sadie could have it as well, as she is exhibiting many of the same symptoms as her sister. So, just to make things that much more complicated for us, we are now facing a somewhat serious neurological disorder coupled with threats of mental health issues. We are reading up and doing our research but the bottom line is we will not know anything until we can get her to a neurologist. We do wish that CAS had done more medical testing on Sadie, so we could have the full picture - instead of just assumptions and guess work... but they thought the tests to be "too invasive on a little baby - so it was best to wait"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
All we can do is take this one day at a time. It's like we are the stars of our own TV Drama, except there is no one to write our happy ending for us. Wish I could tell you how this story ends...
We should know more by next Tuesday, with visits starting on Thursday.
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