CAS Response to my Letter

Here is the response I received today from our case worker:

"Thank you for your thoughts Meagan. Sounds like "Birthmother" got this info correct. I just spoke to the supervisor and she gave me the court
info. At this time the agency is obligated to check out any kin plans that
come forward (the aunt), even if it is a temporary plan.... Even if the
agency does not approve of the plan, the courts could still make a
different decision... So, as much as I would love to have "Sadie" moved to
your home , and I agree with all of your rationale with why it would make
sense to move "Sadie" to a potentially permanent home (yours), I do need to
get some further direction at this end as to whether or not the agency is
in a position yet to make that decision...
I plan to talk with my supervisor next week about this case, and your
proposal and will get back to you when I have another opinion. It seems
that we may have to wait on the assessment of the aunt first. Thank you for
remaining interested in "Sadie". I will be in touch again, but please feel
free to email me mid week.

Thank you."


Randy Pausch (who recently passed away of pancreatic cancer in July 2008) once said. "Brick Walls are not there to block you from what you want, they are there to weed out the people who do not want it bad enough."

His date of birth was ironically on the same date as "Sadie's" court hearing.
October 23. I choose to take this as a sign.

INSPIRATIONAL!

Letter I drafted to CAS this morning.

"Hi "CAS case worker",

I just wanted to let you know that we talked to "Birthmom" this past week and she filled us in on what happened in court on Tuesday. She said that basically "Birthdad" is hoping to get his act together enough that he will be able to parent "Sadie" in the future. In the meantime he stated that he is seeking his sister to take temporary custody of her until such time. "Birthmom" said that the case was adjourned until January 12th at which time all evidence would be heard and a decision rendered (but that it could go to trial that whole week or two).

Based on what we have heard from "Birthmom", "Birthdad" is hoping to find a steady job, get off drugs, and secure a permanent address. Then he will be assessed as to his fitness to parent. In the meantime "The Aunt" will have her homestudy completed by CAS in hopes of fostering "Sadie" until "Birthdad" gets his feet back on the ground.
In the interim "Sadie" would stay with her foster family until fitness of both parties could be determined.

Paul and I feel, and correct us if we are wrong, that it is not terribly likely that "Birthdad" will be awarded custody in the end. Based on his track record, and his previous disinterest in "Sadie", we are hopeful that this will all come out in the wash. That being said we would still like the opportunity to 'Foster with a View' and we would love this opportunity sooner rather then later. We understand the risk is significantly higher now that the Birthfather is in the picture - but we feel the benefits to "Sadie" being placed with a potential "forever family" could only be beneficial to her in the end.

I guess the way we see it is this:

She can stay with her foster family (forming a stronger bond everyday to them) only to be decidedly removed from them in a couple of months...

OR

She can be fostered by us (start to forge a bond) until the middle of January when things should ultimately be resolved, and one of two things will happen...
Either she will go and live with her Aunt temporarily, or (thinking this is more likely) she will be placed permanently with us, as "Birthdad" DID NOT meet the parenting standards needed.

If it is the latter then isn't "Sadie" better off to have moved sooner rather then later? And if in fact "Birthdad" does prove himself to be a competent parent, then has "Sadie" suffered from living with us for the last two months?
These are questions we ask ourselves daily.

We completely understand that your first concern is "Sadie" - and I want to assure you, we are only thinking of her in these scenarios. We strongly believe that being fostered by us until this situation is resolved is what is most beneficial to her future. We understand that we are setting ourselves up for heart break (should Birthdad get custody in the end) BUT it may NOT go that way - and if it doesn't then we would have waisted precious months, months that are crucial in her development and attachments.

After speaking with the case workers at Toronto CAS last night (during our pride training) they said that it would not be out of the realm to foster "Sadie" while all of this plays itself out. They did explain to us, that 'usually CAS tries to not to move the child too many times - but that if the scenario is as this one is - it could be a consideration to move the child if the possible outcome is a Forever Home, as it is in this case'.

We felt the need to tell you what we were thinking as we wanted there to be no confusion. We still want to foster "Sadie" through this, and we are hopeful this will all work itself out to everyones benefit in the end (particularly "Sadie's") by moving in with us.

Please know that it is not our intention to overstep our bounds, we just could not sleep at night knowing we had not told you how we were feeling on this subject - just in case it could make a difference one way or another.

We look forward to hearing your thoughts either by phone or email.
Chat soon,
Meagan & Paul"

Too Angry to even blog!!!

I know many of you are waiting to find out what happened at "Sadie's" hearing on Tuesday, and to that I say ..."Take a Number as we are waiting too". I got a very vague response from CAS stating that they knew nothing and would not know more for some time. So that is that...
...But then Birthmother stepped in and gave us some information (which I cannot validate for accuracy). Bottom line is the birthfather showed up with his lawyer and presented his case. His case being that he would like the opportunity to get his act together so that he may be a proper parent to "Sadie" one day. In the meantime he would like his sister to get temporary custody - until his life is back on track. The judge agreed to adjourn the case till January 12th at which point a decision will need to be made one way or another. It could take up to 2 weeks for the entire case to be presented but the judge said nobody is going anywhere until that little girls fate has been decided.

So that is where we stand - I know it does not give you much to go on - but that is all we know.

I am frustrated and angry today - as I feel this little girl (our little girl potentially) deserves better then "We will wait and see come January 12th).

I have not given up on the idea that she will spend her first Christmas with us!

Ho ho ho!!!

Tomorrow is a very BIG DAY! (or not)

Just wanted to let you all know that tomorrow is "Sadie's" crown wardship hearing. We are hoping that this will all be resolved by tomorrow afternoon - but we have been warned that the possibility of adjournment is a good one. So our fingers and toes are crossed that everything goes our way tomorrow and there is finally an end to this agonizing wait.

Stay tuned...

Turns out we obviously DID have ENOUGH on our plate!!

After much discussion last night Paul and I decided NOT to place an offer on the house at this time. We heard that the owner would not be willing to entertain an offer with ANY conditions on it what so ever - so that pretty much put us out of the game. Why bother trying if you know your offer is going to be rejected. We figured, if he does not want to play ball then screw him. We would love to have moved into such a great neighborhood, in a much bigger house - but if it is not meant to be then who are we to argue. Although we were disappointed, we also felt some relief not to have to deal with all of this right now (although I do maintain that no time is a good time to move - cause moving is almost always an ass pain).

On the "Sadie" front, I heard from CAS yesterday. What I heard was "NOTHING"! They know nothing about how the meeting went nor have they heard back from the birthfather's lawyer. I mean..."no rush, its just a little girls life we are talking about here". "Seriously, take your time!!!! I mean we can just adopt her after she graduates college". That way we can save a whole boat load of money and tons of aggravation!!!

This process is so incredibly frustrating - we find a little girl to adopt but we can't adopt her at that time - we wait ten months, get the call, find out we are good to go and then, "Nope" we have to WAIT SOME MORE 'cause someone else may want to adopt her....THEN the whole process goes into limbo and nobody knows anything. This process is supposed to be 'child oriented' (supposed to be what is best for the child). I ask you does this seem like this is what is 'BEST for the CHILD'?? This Lawyer needs to stop dragging his feet and either fish or cut bait. Don't just leave things hanging in the balance!

Here is hoping we hear something today - but we were warned we may not hear anything until after October 28th court date (her wardship hearing). We have also been warned that this date will more then likely be adjourned. "No Seriously - take your time!!!"

Arghhhhh!!!!

Just in case we didn't have enough on our plates...

We still have no word on how the appointment with the Birthfather, his sister and his lawyer went yesterday. Our CAS worker was not in the office yesterday but we do expect to hear something at some point today. Our fingers and toes are crossed for the best possible outcome.

In the meantime Paul and I have decided to buy a bigger and better house in the affluent neighborhood of "THE BEACH". We stumbled across a detached victorian that has been renovated and has 2 car parking and a basement apartment (which will afford us the opportunity to get into this place). We decided on Sunday evening to put an offer in - and wouldn't you know it, IT SOLD(after spending well over 6 months sitting on the market). We couldn't believe our luck. We have been looking for a new house for more then 3 years now and in those three years we have found a grand total of 2 houses that we have liked enough to place an offer on. The first one we lost in a very brutal bidding war and now this one. The good news came yesterday when we got the call from our agent letting us know that the offer fell through and it is back on the market. Yeahhh! We will place an offer today or tomorrow and see what comes of it. So we will "possibly" be moving in the next month or so. 'Cause I guess adopting a baby, dealing with court battles, upcoming Christmas holidays etc.. are just not enough for us, we need to add buying and selling houses to the mix.

Are we crazy? WE just might be!!!

Fit or Not Fit that is the Question?

Here is the latest: We spoke to the Birthmother today and she filled us in on the paternal aunt/sister scenario. She apparently has 3 small children (all under the age of 5), she is 28 yrs old, not married but has a boyfriend, and (during the time of the birthmother knowing her) was not employed.
So, we are not here to pass judgment or try to pin point what exactly makes a fit parent...but if I had to guess, it does not sound like she is in an ideal situation to parent another small baby.
We are hopeful that this will not progress to anything more then an inconvenience, but we do remain cautious, as the courts almost always favor the biological family for placement. However, Paul and I do have an ace up our sleeve, knowing that we have ties to her biological sister, and ties to the birthmother (being that she has picked us to parent her daughter in an open adoption), we hope this will hold some weight in the courts.
All we can do now is sit back and watch this develop. We pray that it will not delay things too much but we are smart enough to know that it certainly will not help matters. We had hoped to have "Sadie" living with us by the second week of November, but now we will be lucky if she is with us by Christmas. It is sad and frustrating, but in the bigger picture a few more months won't kill us if she ends up with us in the end.
I guess I don't need to tell you the Birthmother is just beside herself - worried that she will lose "Sadie" to the Birthfather and/or his family. They do not have an amicable relationship and I am fairly certain there are some types of restraining orders in place. The whole thing is a bit of a nightmare - and if it was not for a beautiful little girl's happiness at stake, Paul and I would be tempted to high tail it out of here. But we are already in love with her (if that is possible) and we have wanted her since the day she came into this world. I guess this is a true test of parenting: When the going gets tough, you can't just turn your back, you have to fight till the very end....and that is just what we intend to do.
"Hell hath no furry like an adoptive mother/father scorned."

"Never Count your Chickens Before they Hatch!"

Wise words!

My husband just spoke those very words to me this past weekend. But I have always been of the thought process - "if you build they will come!" I guess Paul wins...

I just received a call from CAS telling us that the WORST has HAPPENED. 'At the eleventh hour the Birthfather has said that his sister is putting forth an adoption plan for "Sadie". So, that being said it is not wise for us to go forward with the meeting tomorrow.' 'It would just be too hard on everyone concerned.'

At this point nobody knows anything about this so called sister of his. Like what kind of woman she is, if she is a transient like her brother, or mother of the year? We don't even know if she is aware of her brother's plans, or aware of "Sadie" for that matter. We are hoping beyond hope that this is just the birthfather's way of stalling the proceedings. BUT, it could very well all be true. As it stands - our meeting tomorrow is no longer, and we should know more about the situation on Tuesday of next week.

Obviously Paul and I are pretty upset - as it seems we always take two steps forward and then 4 steps back. This situation has been beyond frustrating from the get go, but we are optimistic that this will all be worth it in the end.

Please pray for us, and cross your fingers and toes. We need all the hope we can get.

I should be talking to the birthmother either tonight or tomorrow and we hope she can shed some light on this UGLY SITUATION!

PRAY HARD!!

The biggest decision so far...

The birth mother contacted me today and asked me if Paul and I had decided on a name for our future daughter...She said she wanted to know so that she could start to get used to using her new name.
...Now I have been bugging Paul to talk about this with me since we found out about this opportunity...I even went so far as to give him a list of 20 names and have him select the ones he liked. We finally got it narrowed down to a top 5. Then I asked Paul to place them in order of preference. So he did! Finally I had a list to work with. We were able to widdle it down to our top three names - and I have been pestering him ever since to settle on just one. He said we shouldn't decide until we see her. FAIR ENOUGH!!! Well after getting the picture of her on Friday I thought we would finally be able to agree and start referring to our new daughter by her new name. So on the long drive home from Quebec to Toronto I asked him what we should choose. He said "not until we see her!!"
...Now you should all know that I have trouble choosing between chicken or beef in a restaurant so deciding on what to name my future daughter is not going to be something I excel in. Decision making is not my forte.
...So today when the birthmother asked me what we had chosen to name little "Sadie", I finally made a decision and wrote her name for the first time and then I pressed send. So I think we have chosen our name!

Thank god nothing is set in stone till we sign the papers. LOL!!!

Stay tuned - we should be announcing her full name by this weekend!

"So much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!"

Another year another thanksgiving, Paul and I loaded up the car (with Ruby) and headed off to Ottawa to celebrate yet another holiday "sans child", and although we knew that this would probably be our LAST Childless thanksgiving we still wished that she was in the back seat making the drive with us...(Heck we wished we had a clue what she looked like). When we asked CAS if they could show us a picture of her they said they didn't have one but promised us she was beautiful. I mean GREAT SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!! BUT WHAT DOES OUR FUTURE DAUGHTER LOOK LIKE??? Until Friday at 4pm (after a long drive from Toronto) I decided to check my email and there it was shining like a beacon in my in-box "Sadie.jpeg" with a note attached that read "Here she is" signed CAS. My heart dropped...and then skipped a few beats. This was going to be a defining moment in our lives - we were about to see our daughter for the first time. I screamed for Paul who was outside enjoying a beer on the front porch with my dad and brother. He told me to wait a minute and I said "we have waited 10 months for this and I am not waiting one more second". He came into the office where I was sitting in anticipation in front of my open Hotmail account. I asked him if he was ready to see his new daughter? I clicked 'open' and there she was; the sweetest little girl I have every laid eyes on. I have to admit there was a moment of fear that she may have a third eye or a giant nose - but she was perfect. Smiling with the most sparkly eyes and gorgeous cheeks. So bloody cute she literally took our breath away. It was a surreal moment, staring at this picture of a baby - a baby that would forever be known as "Our Daughter".
As a new adoptive parent I often wondered if I would be able to love a strangers baby the same way I would love a baby born of my womb. I wondered if I would feel those same feelings a "natural mother" feels. But it doesn't matter if your "natural" or not, when you see your baby for the first time - whether in a delivery room or on a jpeg on your computer screen - the feeling of pride and joy is the same. We are about to become a forever family just like billions of others families in this world. A Mommy, a Daddy, a Puppy and our new beautiful baby girl. NOW I ASK YOU, WHAT COULD BE MORE NATURAL THEN THAT?

A few more details...

I know my post yesterday was a little on the vague side - sorry about that! I was physically and emotionally wiped out. I know they say having a baby takes a lot out of a woman but I am here to tell you that 'getting' a baby can be just as taxing. I feel like I just went through 168 hours of labour and I have 672 hours left (one more month).
So many of you are wondering about the details of all of this - so I will try to explain it the best way I understood it. We will be Fostering to Adopt *Sadie, which means that we will have her placed in our home even before we are able to permanently adopt her. I will be required to drive her 1 hour and 45 minutes away twice a week to visit with her birthmother for 2 hours at a time. I have to be honest I am not looking forward to those drives especially in the winter months - but it is a small price to pay after all. I will be required to do these bi-weekly visit with her birthmother until she is officially adopted. Once we have adopted her, then we will be required to meet with her birthmother 4 times in the first year of our agreement and then three times a year there after for the rest of *Sadies life. This is called an "Open Adoption Plan". This was a verbal agreement that we made with the birthmother during our meeting yesterday. It is also the same arrangement that *Ann and her husband have with the birthmother with regards to their daughter *Jessica. Luckily *Ann and her family have agreed (schedules permitting) to have some of these visits together. This should help alleviate some of the pressure we all might be feeling around these visits.
Let it also be known that the Birthmother has a mental illness. This could prove to make some of the visits challenging - but we are committed to keeping *Sadie's relationship with her birthmother alive. It won't always be easy, but it is necessary and important.
The most frequently asked question I am getting right now is 'WHEN WILL WE GET HER?'. The short answer is: We are hopeful that it will be in 2-3 weeks! The long answer is: It could take as long as a month (as we have one road block we must overcome with CAS). At the very most her hearing for crown wardship is on October 28th, 2008. Assuming it is not adjourned yet again (aka no one opposes the motion for wardship) then she should be living with us by Holloween. But we are hopeful and wishful that we will have her sooner then that. In the meantime we are meeting with the Birthmother and little *Sadie on Friday the 17th (this is tentative right now). We will also be scheduling some visits with *Sadie in her foster home to help get her accustomed to us in order to ease the transition from her home now to her forever home - US!
So, it appears that our dreams to parent this little girl are really coming true, even after we had given up complete hope. It just goes to show you, never give up even if things look bleak. You just never know what the universe has planned for you.
Holy Crap - We are going to be parents in 3 weeks. Is this really happening??

ps: Here is what we know about her: She was born on December 29th at 5:36pm(Capricorn). She weighed 7.4lbs. She has blue eyes, dark blond straight hair. The only picture I have seen of her is one that was taken hours after her birth. I am told she looks like her paternal grandmother. We are told she is "beautiful" by the CAS workers, and she is mild tempered with a happy disposition. We hope to have a picture of her soon.

Big News!

Well we did it, we had our big meeting and in Paul's words "things could not have gone better". It started out a little rocky as the birthmother was not having a good day and was very anxious about meeting us. CAS almost postponed the meeting as she was not in a "good head space". But she managed to work through it and once we all got to talking everything seemed to go fine. She relaxed and got more comfortable and the next thing you know an hour had gone by. In the end she wanted to know how we felt about mental illness and how we planned on educating *Sadie about it. Paul jumped right in and saved the day - told her he was a Psychology major and had done extensive volunteer work at the local psychiatric hospital. She was thrilled to hear that. Over the moon actually!! So, that was that...her decision was made. We were to be *Sadie's new family, and the best part is that CAS is equally on board and seems to want to facilitate this adoption as much as they can and as quickly as possible. They hope to place *Sadie with us as soon as they are able to (possibly before her court hearing on October 28th). We will meet with all of them again in the next two weeks to set up a visitation to meet *Sadie in her foster home.
The Birthfather is a bit of a concern as well and could hold things up tremendously if he chooses not to show up for the court hearing - but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
Until then, we will focus on getting ready for little *Sadie and start to prepare Ruby for a new sister.
Looks like it will be a very Merry Christmas!

Tomorrow is our big day!

Just wanted to let you all know tomorrow is our BIG meeting with CAS and we are nervous beyond belief. This is like the biggest job interview of our lives.

Should we buy a new outfit - get a new haircut - should we be professional or ourselves?

Our only consolation is that the Birthmother is just as nervous as we are. So at least we are in the same boat.

Now if only CAS was as nervous we would all be on an even playing field.

Here goes nothing! Wish us luck and pray for us!!

This Just In...

CAS just contacted us last night and told us Quote:

"...please be cautious that although*Tanya may say 'yes', she wants you to be the adoptive parents to *Sadie at Fridays meeting, that much could change with court, the birth father , etc... and *Tanya changing her mind... My colleague and I have been asked by the Family ServiceWorker (who deals with *Tanya and the court application) not to make any firm decisions between Friday and the court date that is scheduled for Oct 28th."

Grrrr!!! Paul and I just get so frustrated that a little girls life is hanging in the balance of all of these delays. We have been trying to adopt this little girl for over 8 months and now that we are so very close - we are told we are going to have wait yet another month before a decision can even be made. It's just so hard to understand how all this beaurocracy can stand in the way of getting families together.

I know, they are just doing their job, and that these things take time - I just needed to vent!

Talk to you all on Friday after the BIG MEETING!!!