Breakdowns are Plenty and Close Together (as opposed to Few and Far Between)!

After many years of keeping it together I have officially lost my strength. It has become more then clear to me that this process is no where near close to over and we have no choice but to suffer through it. Cutting our losses and setting our sights on another opportunity is simply not an option as I know that one day "Sadie" will be available for adoption and when that day comes I want us to be her parents - but fear of the unknown (like WHEN WILL THAT BE) is enough to drive a sane girl mad. The last time I felt like this I was jacked up on enough fertility drugs to kill a horse. But that was hormone induced and well this - this is bureaucratically induced. When I think that this delay is caused solely by the government and its procedures I want to SCREAM.
I have analyzed this over and over in my head and what I have come up with is this: Aunty- Smokes- A- Lot is close to her brother (aka: the birthfather) and he may have a lot of influence over her (as he is at least 8 years older then her). If he tells her to adopt this little girl then I think that is exactly what she will attempt to do. Why? because I doubt she understands the magnitude of this - so why not? If she agrees to make an adoption plan for "Sadie" then we are up the creek so to speak, because although we believe that she is not going to be proven "fit to parent" in the end, it will take months and months for this determination to happen. It could possibly even take a year or more. I just don't know if we have the stamina for that. That realization breaks my heart. Every week we watch this case go from bad to worse...can I continue to do that for much longer? Honestly, I just don't know!
Why it has taken 4 weeks for this Aunt to find out she is being expected to adopt "Sadie" not just take temporary care of her, is beyond me. It seems to me she should have been told from day 1 that its all or nothing and there is no in between. A phone call 4 weeks ago would have solved all this waiting and questioning - why did that phone call take so long to happen?
I believe we all have choices in life - and although I feel that our choices have been severely reduced we still have one choice left - either we are all in or we walk away?
Something tells me this choice will be made for us very shortly. So we wait.

Oh and the cherry on our cake is Birthmother called us today to tell us she submitted her paperwork to the courts - this paper work was supposed to read "I hereby relinquish all rights to "Sadie and support the request for Crown wardship petition" or it could have read "I choose to contest the crown wardship that the Children's Aid Society is seeking". Guess which of the following was submitted?? YEP! you guessed it! She contested the crown wardship!!! WHY? She said her lawyer made a mistake - She said she would fix it...but I am certain that little mistake will take months to rectify.

I simply cannot believe our luck. Blows me away really!!!