It's Official - I lost my mind tonight!

For the first time since we started down this adoption road over a year ago, I lost my composure tonight. I thought I was ok - just rolling with the punches, but the stupidity and negligence of this whole thing made me crack. Paul came home to find me on our living room floor teary eyed and mad at the world. Frustration is a terrible thing to go through - and just like when I was a kid - I threw a tantrum!

Then to add insult to injury I had to go to "Adoption Training" tonight. For those of you that know me well - I do not know how to fake it. When I am mad and sad and frustrated I cannot hide it. So I sat there tonight with a scowl on my face and fighting back tears. One of our instructors noticed I was not "Myself" so I explained to her what was going on...she said that this situation is not black and white and there are things that could be done to get "Sadie" into our home. She wondered why our worker was not exercising those options. Hmmmm??? She asked us if they had started our homestudy update (which they have not) and wondered why they were not getting the ball rolling on that??? We wonder the same thing - I mean if they truly planned on placing "Sadie" with us in the future then would they not want us to be ready to go when that time comes?
All signs point to "we are not getting her anytime soon!".

We have jumped through every hoop, exhausted all of our financial resources and been to every training known to man - but still the universe does not see fit to grant us our one and only wish.

We just want to be parents!!! What is it going to take?

But more importantly do we/I have the stamina to continue down this never ending path?

I am not so sure anymore! WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?