On Thursday the 15th of January 2009 at aprox. 12:30pm our lives were forever changed. We finally met our beautiful daughter "Sadie", now known as Caiden (assuming the name sticks). She was all smiles as we walked into a visitation room at the local Children's Aid Society. Her birthmother proudly introduced her to us, "...this is your future mommy and daddy!" she said. We almost burst into tears right there and then. She was the most perfect little girl we had ever laid eyes on. Her eyes sparkled and she gave us a big smile. Her birthmom then put her into my arms and at that moment I knew my life was perfect. It was by far the happiest day of our lives and we knew from that moment forward life was never going to be the same for us. Caiden was outgoing and engaging, her eyes so shinny and her toothy smile lit up the room (or maybe that was Paul and I as we were beaming with pride). She took to Paul instantly and did not make strange with him at all - she even gave us a little dance - which was hands down the cutest thing we have ever seen. We spent time with her and birthmom (about an hour) and then it was time for her to go back to the foster home, so we jumped into the car and followed her there. Once we got there we were greeted by a warm and welcoming woman named "Petunia". It was obvious to us that Caiden had been well taken care of and was extremely loved by this family, we could just feel it. "Petunia" is a single mom with two biological daughters of her own, ages 10 and 12 (I am guessing). When her girls arrived home from school it was absolute mayhem - they were so excited to meet us, they immediately started taking tons of pictures and asking us heaps of questions. They were so cute! It was obvious that they were sad to be loosing her, but they seemed to like us and that reassured them somewhat. We loved them instantly! This family that kept our daughter safe and happy for the past 12 months - I mean how could we not love them, really? So, we spent the rest of the day talking to the foster mom about Caiden's routine and finding out her likes and wants. I have to be honest it was information overload but I was a sponge and tried to soak up as much as I could. After all this little girl would be coming home with us in 2 weeks and I needed to know everything there was to know about her. We then worked out a visitation schedule for Paul and I (which basically consists of visiting her everyday). Then we had the opportunity to feed her (see our video of that on FB - too funny!) and give her a bath which was a laugh riot - she was so cute in the tub. There is nothing like a wet, soapy, slippery baby to bring a smile to your face instantly. Kisses goodbye and then we put her down for bed. Our first day with our new daughter was over - but I was already counting the hours till I could come back the next day.
Friday was my first day with her alone. (Don't even get me started on the car seat installation). Now I have to be honest, it was a little terrifying. I mean what if she didn't take to me or she decided to cry the entire time we spent together? Well, as they say: sink or swim Meag 'cause this is it! I picked her up and took her shopping for some new toys (we have none for her here). I wasn't trying to buy her affection or anything - but if she loved me for it then so be it - lol! She seemed to be content spending time with me (a complete stranger) as we engaged in a game of "Ah oh!!" for about 30 minutes or so. You would think I would have tired of this game after 2 minutes but I think she tired of it before I did. It was adorable to hear her say "ah oh!!" over and over again. We finished shopping and I brought her back to her foster home. The girls came home from school and the oldest of the girls appeared visibly upset. I asked her if she had had a bad day at school and she just shook her head. I asked her if she was upset about me taken Caiden away and she burst into tears. I felt horrible! CAS has put us all in an impossible situation. I mean the foster family secretly must resents us for taking her away, the birthmom must resent us for taking her from her, Caiden will resent us for taking her from her "home"! Everywhere we turn we are hurting someone, all because CAS dragged their feet with this adoption, but I am too happy to be bitter, so I will get past these feeling of guilt and look to the future. It is brighter there.
So to wrap up, we will visit with her for the next two weeks and she will even have some overnight visits with us within that time. Then, on Jan 30th she will come and spend the entire weekend with us. Finally on Feb 2nd, I will pay the foster family one last visit (for now) and pick up our daughter to bring her home with us FOR GOOD! It will be a bitter sweet day, for as happy as we will be on that day, it will also mean taking her away from the only mother and sisters she has ever known. I shudder to think how I will keep it together.
My heart aches with just the thought of it now.
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4 comments:
What you must be feeling all at once I can only imagine - it must be exhausting. Just think about the good things that will come of it to help get you through the next hurdle. It's plain to see that Caiden will love you both so much and you her so just keep focused on the positive.
i am so happy for you.
i like her name Caiden, it is sweet and strong.
i know the next few weeks will be filled with thrills but also some hard things too.
my thoughts are with you as you make this transition for her to be your daughter! you must be so thrilled that this is finally happening.
Beautiful name, Meagan. I can only imagine the amazing rainbow of emotions you must be feeling right now. I've teared up just reading about it! I think that you are feeling so much empathy for the foster family just shows how very lucky Caiden is to have you as her Mummy.
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